What We’re Really Missing: The Need for Human Connection

Over the past couple of posts, I’ve been exploring what we actually need. I started with the idea that fewer needs, clearly seen and honestly named, might bring us closer to happiness. Then I looked at how one of those few needs is human connection. 

This post is therefore about that connection, what it really looks like, and why so many of us are struggling to find it.

Despite being more “connected” than ever, many people feel increasingly alone. We scroll, we message, we reply to emails. But that doesn’t always translate to feeling seen, or understood. Digital communication gives us access, but access isn’t the same as presence.

Presence is noticing a subtle change in someone’s voice or mood, and gently checking in. It’s the feeling of being with, not just talking to. And it’s one of the most basic things we need. Psychologists have said this for decades, but it’s also something we all know intuitively; we feel clearer and more grounded in the presence of someone who is actually with us. Not fixing. Not performing. Just there.

The challenge is that many of our environments make this kind of connection harder to find. Work is increasingly remote. Friendships are spread across time zones. Even our conversations can become transactional - more about exchanging updates than creating space to pause and really connect.

Over time, this thins out the number of people we truly trust to hold up a mirror, to reflect back to us ourselves with honesty and care. And that absence has quiet consequences. Without meaningful connection, it becomes harder to regulate emotions, make clear decisions, or feel grounded in who we are. We can become more reactive. Or quietly numb.

This is where coaching has a role to play, not as a substitute for friendship or community, but as one of the few structured spaces in modern life where someone is fully present with you. No distractions. No judgment. Just a calm, consistent place where your thoughts and shifts are taken seriously. At its best, coaching is not a one-off conversation, but an ongoing relationship, and one that allows space to explore and grow, as you navigate change over time.

We don’t need hundreds of connections. We need a few that are real. And in a time when connection is being flattened into screens and scheduling links, maybe the quiet, consistent presence of another person, fully there, fully listening, is not just helpful. Maybe it’s essential.